Sandwiches. (:

I love sandwiches.  I really do.


Sandwiches are fantastic.  I like anything fantastic.  Fantastic like a pillow made of cotton candy.  Except that wouldn't be very fantastic once you drooled all over your pillow and the cotton candy would get that really annoying hard spot.  Like when you lick it and then it gets all crystallized.  Anyway, back to sandwiches.


You know what virtually everyone can understand about sandwiches?  You can't have mismatched bread slices.  That's a really big pet peeve of mine but we won't go into that right now.  One of these days I'll make a list of all my pet peeves for you.


Mismatching bread slices just doesn't work.  This might make me crazy, but if I have a sandwich that doesn't have matching slices, I will do one of two things.

A.) Refuse to eat it.
B.) Cut all of the edges until it's even.


My slices CANNOT be uneven!  I go into some sort of neurotic fit if they are.

See?  Neurotic fit.




You know what else I like about sandwiches?  They taste so much better when someone else makes them.  I've never understood why and I don't really care.


When I was little, I would tell my mom "I'm hungry."

mom: "So make a sanny."
me: "But I don't want to."
mom: "Why?"
me:  "I like when you make them."
mom: "Just make a sandwich and stop being ridiculous."

The conversation would usually go like that for a little while before I gave up and made myself a sandwich.  It never tasted as good as when my mom or dad made one.  When it came to making sandwiches, my did is the best.  You might think that your dad is the best, but he's not.  My dad makes sandwiches like a god of sandwiches.


HA! Some guy at my dads work just started singing Flyleaf.  He also just snuck up on me and gave me a heart attack-stroke-seizurey thing.


So, just to let you know, now that my heart is on the floor running for its life, sandwiches are fantastic.

Crazy and nocturnal and squirrels on meth.

I can be really nocturnal.


It sort of just depends on the day.  Most of the time, I'm just on Facebook all night or texting all night.  There are nights, however, when all I do is lay there.  Literally, I'll lay there in my bed watching TV for hours until I fall asleep.  Usually, that isn't until at least 2AM.  It's really irritating.


If I'm not doing either of those things, I'm usually reading.  Honestly, I don't know what I read.  I usually forget everything I've read by the time I wake up.  At that point, I have to read it all over again.  


Then there are the nights, when I take pictures.

That, my dears, is what I look like at 3AM.  All crazy and stuff.


No, your eyes aren't deceiving you.  That IS a Twilight poster and my walls ARE pink.  Don't ask, for I don't know.  They just kind of showed up one day.


Uhm, so yeah.  At about that point, my face starts twitching and I start feeling like a squirrel on meth.  That particular feeling of total and complete joy lasts about an hour.  Then the crash ensues.


If I had the time, there would be a moderately funny picture of me crashing from my squirrel on drugs moment.  But alas, I'm not on my computer and I need sleep.  Anyway, just thought I would show you all exactly how crazy I am late at night.

Zombies And Cake. Maybe Zombie Cake?

So, zombies are pretty much the shit.

You want to know how much I love zombies?  I love zombies more than fat kids love cake.  I love zombies more than zombies love brains.  That's how much I love zombies.

Drawing in paint on a laptop isn't as easy as you think it is so shut up.

Anyway.  You know what else I love?  Bacon.

I think that if I could eat bacon alllll day, I would.  That would get really pricey though.  Have you noticed how much bacon is?  Why is delicious pig side so damned expensive? TELL ME!

The idiocy of felines.

Yay I'm alive!  I haven't posted in a while.  Sorry for the neglect my poor non-existent readers!


I made a really bad choice the other day.  I was being really affectionate towards my cat and cleared a little space on my desk so he could lay there and be fat while I sat on the computer and laughed my ass off at random stupid things.  Now, those of you that have cats should know that if you let them do something once they will want to do it ALL THE TIME.  My cat has found a new way of getting my attention.

If I don't pay attention to him immediately he jumps up on the desk in a sort of "HAH TRY AVOIDING ME NOW BITCH!" Sort of way.

It's rather irritating when you're typing away and suddenly there's a cat blocking your view of the monitor.  I don't think I would mind very much if he was a small cat.  He's not though.  My cat isn't small at all other than the general cats-are-smaller-than-people way.

Not only is he fat, but he seems to be fairly retarded.  As if he wasn't stupid enough by simply being a cat.  Noooo not at all.  He doesn't quite grasp the idea of "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!"  You think he would by now.  I don't know how many times I've yelled this at him because he walks right in front of my feet.  Tripping over a cat isn't as fun as it sounds.  Especially for someone with as little grace as I have.  Keep in mind, I trip over painted lines.

There's also the issue of him rubbing his face all over my own face.

Those of you that have ever had a cat that DIDN'T have snot on his nose all the time knows that it can be cute sometimes.  My little lump of fatness has snot on his face.  Constantly.

Imagine having some little kid come rub his snotty nose all over your face.  Not very pleasant, is it?  It's about the same with a cat.  Although the fur on his head is rather soft and cuddly.  But after a minute of facial rubbing via feline, you want it to stop.  So, you tell him to stop.  Does he?  OF COURSE NOT!  He doesn't understand the idea of "no" even when you yell it at him and get a look on your face like: D<

This is joined by his idea of being sneaky.  He seems to have something against peeing in his litter box.  Instead of going where he's supposed to, he likes to pee in the corners.  His favorite is the one in front of our door.  If you catch him and yell at him he just looks at you like O.O "I didn't do it!" and keeps peeing as if you can't see him.  Only when you move to kick some major feline ass does he realize he's in trouble and that you can, in fact, see him.

Hence.  My cat is a retard.

Some Thank you's.

I was in a kind of dark place today and I realized that there are some people that I really need to thank.

Alexius:  Thank you for being my escape from my home during Junior High and listening to me whine for so many years.
Amanda E.:  Thank you for listening to me complain and bitch for all these years and making me laugh at your crazy ideas.
Brittney K.:  I have way too much to thank you for.  Thank you for helping me straighten my thoughts out and giving me your input on my stupid ideas.
Christopher H.:  Thank you.  For everything, really.  You seemed to be one of the only people who made our house seem better than it really was.  Thank you for making me laugh all the time and making that home easier to handle.
Danny:  Thank you for just being my big brother and coming down to see me when you were able to.
Dimitrii:  Thank you for just.....being you, I guess.
Jared, Jason, and Justin Lytton:  Thank you for being some of the only people to laugh at the stupid stuff I say when our families get together.  Seriously.  And thank you for being my cousins.
Justin R.:  Just...Thank you.  A lot.
Kelly:  Thank you for being there for me when I need you.
Kim (ensign) Henderson:  Thank you for putting up with my bull for 15 years.
Lina: My tree.  Thank you for being one of the only people I can talk to about anything.
Mike E (daddy):  Thank you for everything you've done for me.  I mean it.
Tiffany, Taren, Carson, & Kenley Dennis:  Thank you for coming down.  Thank you for my ridiculously wonderful niece and nephew.
Tiffiny:  Just thank you.  Words aren't enough.
Grandma & Grandpa J:  There's too much to thank you for to put here.
Riley Denner:  Jeez.  Thank you, Riley, for being one of the few sunshine's in my life.  Every time I see you smile and wave at me it lights up my life.  Thank you, Riley, for being my sun.
Nick:  Thank you for being there for me, always.
The Spencer Family:  Thank you for making my days hilarious.
Stacie Lewis:  Thank you, for being the odd one out with me.

Thank you to anyone that I haven't named here.  These are just all the people I can think of right off the top of my head.  I know that there are so many more people that I should thank, even for little tiny things.  There are so many things I should thank you all for.  I honestly can't thank any of you enough for everything you've ever done for me.  There are some of you that I can thank for helping me lift the gray haze.  I'll talk about that in another blog.  Seriously, though.  Thank you to all of you.  I don't know what I would do without any of you.

Some ramblings.

I think you should all get the chance to know me a little better.  I like a lot of things you wouldn't expect me to like, and a lot of things that would seem totally obvious.  I have this odd affection for rainbows.  Rainbows and really super bright colors.  And then, at the exact same time, I absolutely adore the color black.  Black makes up most of my wardrobe.  With the odd color my skin is, not much looks good on me but black.  Not to mention, I love the fact that I can just reach into my closet and pull out almost anything and it will match.  Maybe my random love of super bright colors comes from my many P.L.U.R. friends?  I have no idea, really.  I just noticed one day that I loved rainbows and bright colors.  Along with anything that will glow under black light.  My brother got me on that one.  I love music of any kind.  It's hard to find music I won't listen to.  Although, I refuse to listen to Eminem.  He has no appeal to me at all.  I love Deadmau5, though.  To me, he is a recent discovery.  To a lot of my friends, they've known him for a while.  I happen to live under a rock, you see.

With my food, I'm picky.  But if you find something I love (Mac&Cheese!) I could eat it all day.  Along with eating, I love to bake.  I have this recipe for rainbow cupcakes and they're weirdly addicting.  I can't get enough of them.  If I could do it and gain NOTHING I would eat the entire pan.  Given, my pan is only twelve of the little gems.  The frosting is just vanilla but it adds to the addiction that is my rainbow cupcakes.  Now, to make you absolutely revolted, I adore zombies.  Books, movies, songs, you name it.  If someone were to ask me my favorite book about zombies, I may have to say the Generation Dead trilogy by Daniel Waters.  I will always support Mr. Tommy Williams (mysocalledundeath.com) in his quest to gain rights for DB people.  My favorite zombie movie, Zombieland.  Hands down.  To me, that movie tops Resident Evil any day.

I have more but I don't think I will post all of it tonight.  You should totally check out mysocalledundeath.  Tommy is inspiring (:


Don't forget yourself.
Z

People.

I've lost a few people in my seventeen years of life.  Two grandparents, a cousin, an uncle, and several pets.  Although, they've never hurt as bad as when I lost someone that's still living.  I got checked out of school today during third period because my stomach was upset.  Instead of going to my aunt's house like I had last week, I went to my mother's.  It has been months since I last spoke to her.  I'd forgotten how nice she was before she started drinking for the night.  Tonight, even after she had started to drink, she was still nice to me.  I can't remember the last time that I was happy to be there.


As I stood in my once room tonight collecting my old stereo, a skirt I liked, my old photo album, and some odd fake lashes, I realized that I missed it there.  It had been a while since I had wanted to be there.  I had wished that my bed was still there and that it wasn't turning into a storage room of sorts.  I missed being around my mother and having dinner with her and my step-father.  I find it sad how I can't go back until her alcoholism stops.  I don't want to deal with it anymore.  I was tired of the fighting when I moved out and I still am but some part of me just wants to go back and stay there for a while.  I don't know why.

Ambition Mission

I don't have that many dreams and I'm not that ambitious.  But I do have some.  The most important, of course, is school.  I have to graduate.  It's either that or be a total failure.  There's so much I have to do in order to graduate this year.  I need to do some online school on top of my regular schooling.  And even then I'll be lucky.  I'm not the best student.  At all.  I think I've had one year where my grades were just awesome and that was in junior high.  My lowest grade was a B-.  I was pretty happy about that.  Ever since then, however, my grades have not been very good.  I need to bust this year in order to graduate.  That means I can't miss a day and if I do, I need to get my catch up work ASAP.  My dad is going to be pissed if this year doesn't work out.  I've been doing the best I possibly can but apparently my best isn't enough.  I need to give someone elses best.  I need to give Kayla's best.  My best is NOT enough to get me to pass.  I need to do even better this year or I'm screwed.

Along with this, I've decided on two things.  For one, I've decided that I want to restore old cars for a living.  Earlier this year, I went to a car show and that was that.  I had picked probably one of the dumbest jobs I had ever thought of.  Not to mention, I have no idea how to restore cars.  But, I think show cars are gorgeous.  I love car and I love vintage things.  That car show sort of spawned this Frankenstein  child of an idea of mine.  It's stupid and I should just stick to something generic but I really want this.  I just need someone to teach me because auto mechanics in school hasn't taught me much of anything.

Another, and more recent idea of mine, is about Sephora.  I've decided that slowly, over however long  it takes, I'm going to gather one of everything in my closest Sephora store.  If you don't know, or aren't from SLC, the Sephora store is in Fashion Place Mall.  May I mention the face that this place is HUGE!!!  Just for reference, (and I think all VS's are the same size) it's the same size ans about 1 1/2 Victoria Secret's.  Out here, those are fairly good sized.  So, if you haven't grasped the idea yet, that is a whole hell of a lot of make up!  And I want one of everything.  This is going to take FOREVER but it's worth it.  Especially if I want to get better with make up, which I do.  I'm going to buy them one particular section at a time.  And I'm going to have a LOT of makeup cases.  I just want to have a ton of choices (:



Don't forget yourself.

Violence.

I never really thought about it.  By that, I mean how many people are jumped or randomly attacked by "straight edgers".  I've known quite a few people that have been jumped by them.  Most people who oppose this random STUPID senseless violence call them "Hate Edge".  I know TRUE straight edgers.  You can ask them, Straight edge is about doing what you feel is right.  They see it as a personal choice.  True and honest straight edgers oppose VIOLENCE.  These people that find out who does drugs or HAS done drugs or drinks or used to drink and then go and hit them in the face with rocks and jump them...They don't deserve the title of being straight edge.  What they deserve, is a fair amount of time locked up.  They don't attack alone.  They always have their little posse with them.  The people they attack, however, are almost always alone.  If anything, they deserve the title of "gang".  No one deserves to have their cheek broken and nose broken simply because they like Rolling or drinking or doing whatever.  It's their choice and just because they've made that choice, doesn't mean they need to have their faces broken.  It's just not right.  What did these people that get jumped by these kids EVER do to them?


If you're wondering what spurred this, I'll tell you.  My best friend had a rock thrown in his face just recently.  He now needs surgery to fix his cheek and nose.  He doesn't do anything to anyone.  He's one of the most passive people I know.  Just because he makes choices for himself doesn't mean he deserves to have his face bashed in with a rock.  It's not fair, honestly.  He never deserved to have this happen to him.  Truthfully, if anyone has any idea of who did this, let me know.  Because I really REALLY want to have him press charges.  This is ridiculous.

You never know...

The tattoos mentioned.

You know, I never quite realized that I might actually not mind tattoos.  I mean, everyone made them out to be some huge deal and that they hurt so bad.  I recently got wing tattoos on my wrists and they really didn't bother me that much.  There were certain parts where I never even really felt them.  It's kind of like...drinking that weird new soda that your friend tried and is secretly in love with.  Even though it's from Japan and has a little glass marble in it.  But then, you try some of it, and it's delicious.  You had no idea!  It's freaking awesome!  And then you ask them where they got it because you want to go stock up like people did for Y2K. 

I've always wanted tattoos.  Ever since my dad got one (5, now).  They guy used to let me watch him ink my dad up.  I thought that was pretty boss.  Then, my oldest brother got one.  And another.  Then suddenly, I was left out.  Like the kid picked last for dodgeball teams in gym class.  But now, I'm not that kid anymore.  I'm officially part of the family.  I know I'm going to have people ask me, "But Nikkie, why wings?  Why would YOU get wings?  They aren't even batty."  Well, I'll tell you.

I got these particular wings tattooed there for a reason.  And that reason is named Brian Russell Stewart.  It's kind of a family thing.  Some of the people on my dads side of the family have tattoos for him.  His sister, wings on her ankles, his dad, a tattoo on his upper arm, my dad a portrait on his back.  And now me, with my little tiny wings.  I won't tell you how he died, but I will tell you that he was in the guard.  He was amazing, and funny.  And it really sucks that we lost him.  We all miss him, we just deal with it differently.  It's been years but it still hurts like it did the day after he died.  Although, I'll see him again.  Sometime, somewhere.

Don't forget yourself.