I made a really bad choice the other day. I was being really affectionate towards my cat and cleared a little space on my desk so he could lay there and be fat while I sat on the computer and laughed my ass off at random stupid things. Now, those of you that have cats should know that if you let them do something once they will want to do it ALL THE TIME. My cat has found a new way of getting my attention.
If I don't pay attention to him immediately he jumps up on the desk in a sort of "HAH TRY AVOIDING ME NOW BITCH!" Sort of way.
It's rather irritating when you're typing away and suddenly there's a cat blocking your view of the monitor. I don't think I would mind very much if he was a small cat. He's not though. My cat isn't small at all other than the general cats-are-smaller-than-people way.
Not only is he fat, but he seems to be fairly retarded. As if he wasn't stupid enough by simply being a cat. Noooo not at all. He doesn't quite grasp the idea of "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!" You think he would by now. I don't know how many times I've yelled this at him because he walks right in front of my feet. Tripping over a cat isn't as fun as it sounds. Especially for someone with as little grace as I have. Keep in mind, I trip over painted lines.
There's also the issue of him rubbing his face all over my own face.
Those of you that have ever had a cat that DIDN'T have snot on his nose all the time knows that it can be cute sometimes. My little lump of fatness has snot on his face. Constantly.
Imagine having some little kid come rub his snotty nose all over your face. Not very pleasant, is it? It's about the same with a cat. Although the fur on his head is rather soft and cuddly. But after a minute of facial rubbing via feline, you want it to stop. So, you tell him to stop. Does he? OF COURSE NOT! He doesn't understand the idea of "no" even when you yell it at him and get a look on your face like: D<
This is joined by his idea of being sneaky. He seems to have something against peeing in his litter box. Instead of going where he's supposed to, he likes to pee in the corners. His favorite is the one in front of our door. If you catch him and yell at him he just looks at you like O.O "I didn't do it!" and keeps peeing as if you can't see him. Only when you move to kick some major feline ass does he realize he's in trouble and that you can, in fact, see him.
Hence. My cat is a retard.
