Sandwiches. (:

I love sandwiches.  I really do.


Sandwiches are fantastic.  I like anything fantastic.  Fantastic like a pillow made of cotton candy.  Except that wouldn't be very fantastic once you drooled all over your pillow and the cotton candy would get that really annoying hard spot.  Like when you lick it and then it gets all crystallized.  Anyway, back to sandwiches.


You know what virtually everyone can understand about sandwiches?  You can't have mismatched bread slices.  That's a really big pet peeve of mine but we won't go into that right now.  One of these days I'll make a list of all my pet peeves for you.


Mismatching bread slices just doesn't work.  This might make me crazy, but if I have a sandwich that doesn't have matching slices, I will do one of two things.

A.) Refuse to eat it.
B.) Cut all of the edges until it's even.


My slices CANNOT be uneven!  I go into some sort of neurotic fit if they are.

See?  Neurotic fit.




You know what else I like about sandwiches?  They taste so much better when someone else makes them.  I've never understood why and I don't really care.


When I was little, I would tell my mom "I'm hungry."

mom: "So make a sanny."
me: "But I don't want to."
mom: "Why?"
me:  "I like when you make them."
mom: "Just make a sandwich and stop being ridiculous."

The conversation would usually go like that for a little while before I gave up and made myself a sandwich.  It never tasted as good as when my mom or dad made one.  When it came to making sandwiches, my did is the best.  You might think that your dad is the best, but he's not.  My dad makes sandwiches like a god of sandwiches.


HA! Some guy at my dads work just started singing Flyleaf.  He also just snuck up on me and gave me a heart attack-stroke-seizurey thing.


So, just to let you know, now that my heart is on the floor running for its life, sandwiches are fantastic.

Crazy and nocturnal and squirrels on meth.

I can be really nocturnal.


It sort of just depends on the day.  Most of the time, I'm just on Facebook all night or texting all night.  There are nights, however, when all I do is lay there.  Literally, I'll lay there in my bed watching TV for hours until I fall asleep.  Usually, that isn't until at least 2AM.  It's really irritating.


If I'm not doing either of those things, I'm usually reading.  Honestly, I don't know what I read.  I usually forget everything I've read by the time I wake up.  At that point, I have to read it all over again.  


Then there are the nights, when I take pictures.

That, my dears, is what I look like at 3AM.  All crazy and stuff.


No, your eyes aren't deceiving you.  That IS a Twilight poster and my walls ARE pink.  Don't ask, for I don't know.  They just kind of showed up one day.


Uhm, so yeah.  At about that point, my face starts twitching and I start feeling like a squirrel on meth.  That particular feeling of total and complete joy lasts about an hour.  Then the crash ensues.


If I had the time, there would be a moderately funny picture of me crashing from my squirrel on drugs moment.  But alas, I'm not on my computer and I need sleep.  Anyway, just thought I would show you all exactly how crazy I am late at night.

Zombies And Cake. Maybe Zombie Cake?

So, zombies are pretty much the shit.

You want to know how much I love zombies?  I love zombies more than fat kids love cake.  I love zombies more than zombies love brains.  That's how much I love zombies.

Drawing in paint on a laptop isn't as easy as you think it is so shut up.

Anyway.  You know what else I love?  Bacon.

I think that if I could eat bacon alllll day, I would.  That would get really pricey though.  Have you noticed how much bacon is?  Why is delicious pig side so damned expensive? TELL ME!

The idiocy of felines.

Yay I'm alive!  I haven't posted in a while.  Sorry for the neglect my poor non-existent readers!


I made a really bad choice the other day.  I was being really affectionate towards my cat and cleared a little space on my desk so he could lay there and be fat while I sat on the computer and laughed my ass off at random stupid things.  Now, those of you that have cats should know that if you let them do something once they will want to do it ALL THE TIME.  My cat has found a new way of getting my attention.

If I don't pay attention to him immediately he jumps up on the desk in a sort of "HAH TRY AVOIDING ME NOW BITCH!" Sort of way.

It's rather irritating when you're typing away and suddenly there's a cat blocking your view of the monitor.  I don't think I would mind very much if he was a small cat.  He's not though.  My cat isn't small at all other than the general cats-are-smaller-than-people way.

Not only is he fat, but he seems to be fairly retarded.  As if he wasn't stupid enough by simply being a cat.  Noooo not at all.  He doesn't quite grasp the idea of "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY!"  You think he would by now.  I don't know how many times I've yelled this at him because he walks right in front of my feet.  Tripping over a cat isn't as fun as it sounds.  Especially for someone with as little grace as I have.  Keep in mind, I trip over painted lines.

There's also the issue of him rubbing his face all over my own face.

Those of you that have ever had a cat that DIDN'T have snot on his nose all the time knows that it can be cute sometimes.  My little lump of fatness has snot on his face.  Constantly.

Imagine having some little kid come rub his snotty nose all over your face.  Not very pleasant, is it?  It's about the same with a cat.  Although the fur on his head is rather soft and cuddly.  But after a minute of facial rubbing via feline, you want it to stop.  So, you tell him to stop.  Does he?  OF COURSE NOT!  He doesn't understand the idea of "no" even when you yell it at him and get a look on your face like: D<

This is joined by his idea of being sneaky.  He seems to have something against peeing in his litter box.  Instead of going where he's supposed to, he likes to pee in the corners.  His favorite is the one in front of our door.  If you catch him and yell at him he just looks at you like O.O "I didn't do it!" and keeps peeing as if you can't see him.  Only when you move to kick some major feline ass does he realize he's in trouble and that you can, in fact, see him.

Hence.  My cat is a retard.